Three Days I cant forget

March 11th 2009 was the day that he died. March 12th 2009 was the day that he was born. March 3th 2009 was that day that he was laid to rest. The joy I felt seeing him for the first time after fearing that he would never come. The words “we will need to use forceps” forcing me to focus and push. Seeing his beautiful oh so wise face. Everyone else had to sleep with their babies and care for them no matter their condition. The nurses didnt want to let him go. They passed him around like a gift. Cooin and ahhin at his calmness. It was the day of my most intense joy. “You bring me joy” was playing. I was sublimely happy. 21 years old. Never saw what life had to bring to me. Never dreamed that id understand utter sadness. Utter despondancy. Utter grief. That he who made me so happy would be taken from me. How can one experience be the cause of so much joy and then pain? The day he was laid to rest was the day I was laid to rest emotionally. Saying goodbye to my son was the hardest thing I ever did. Me? Who was so afraid of sleepovers. Worried about the night falliing on my son outside. I had to say goodbye to my son and walk away.Knowing I couldnt do anything to help him. Having to place all my trust in Him. The way to achieve true patience is by being patience. Like Job. Like Jacob. And so I try to achieve that which oftentimes feels unobtainable. Three days that I cant forget.

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