Im here….

I dont get scared.
My faith tells me without a shadow of a doubt that life is just a moment in the scheme of things.
Death is the doorway to what we have been promised. We are supposed to learn some hard rules first thats all. Some of us didnt have to learn anything but were taken in order to teach.
The question for me isnt ..is there something else. But what have I learned from this in order to go forward as there is no real moving ahead for me. Just going forward as the night precedes the day…as the grass grows…I have to go forward.
And ultimately when we are dead we will face the reality of what this is also.
And thats the point where there will be no going back on what we thought or hoped.
I used to think wouldnt it be nice if we all went to that promised place. No matter where or what we believe in..but I dont think that now.
I really think that this life is a test and thats all. The biggest test of all.
The question is how well will we each do.
My sons death cemented my belief. I buried him according to Islam knowing what happens to him when he was wrapped in his shroud( In Islam we dont bury the dead in their clothes but rather in their original naked state with a simple white shroud that covers them), he was washed according to Islamic edicts and perfumed with precious oils.
My son looked peaceful and as he was laid ‘to rest” I prayed that his soul would find solace in its in between state(known as the Bazarkh).
Knowing he is in that state forces me to address my own faith.
If my faith is wrong….why bury him according to that faith,
And what does that mean for him.
So for me, I HAVE to believe.

I wrote this for an email group for grieving mothers. Someone asked..what if what I believe in isnt right..