My 10 Year Old

This week was a really hard week. I think it was harder on the boys as well. I feel bad for my 10 yr old. He really misses his brother a lot. They were close. When I used to dish out dinner..he would always take Alhaariths plate to him even without asking. I used to tell him not to do it because he wasnt Alhaariths slave but he didnt mind. He used to come home from school with munchies and he always shared it with Haarith. They used to fight like crazy at times. I told Alhaarith that he needed to judge his own strenght. Alhaarith was 5ft 11 and Mams is only 4ft 11. There was no comparision. But Mams would put his chest right up to Alhaariths and dare him to keep on.

You should have seen them go at it. One day I called Haarith a protagonist. He looked at me and asked what it was…and I told him. The next time he had a fight with mams…he said Ummi Im just protagonizing him. It was the funniest. Haarith was really funny when I come to think of it. Hed always knew where my hiding places where. I was trying to groom him to be a man…and it was working. He wanted a sidekick. I was going to get him a phone once he was 14. I used to let him use my phone when he went out for me so Id be able to get hold of him. Id get so mad when he didnt pick up the phone. I worried about him all the time even though he wasnt one to give me a hard time.

But him and Mams had a nice relationship. He was the only consistant father figure that Mams had to be honest. Mams doesnt realy know his father because we split up when he was a year old. He knows him but he doesnt have the same memories that the others do so for him Haarith was everything.

Last night Mams came into my room with this look on his face. He was missing his brother. I could tell. So I kissed him and hugged him and told him that it would all be ok and he hugged me back.

Thats the hardest part of this process. Wanting to take the pain from his heart. Wanting him to have his brother back again. Its not just me. There are three others who feel this too.