Snapshots (2-)”Feloose Qabbil Hiraat”

Sept 07

I love going to City Line. Theres a lot of muslims over there and I can get my little bits and pieces.This day I was going through the dollar stores when I came across a guy selling paints. You know the squeezable ones that are in pen form. I was speaking to him when I noticed the tattoo on his arm. It was arabic. It was beautiful. Very nice script and very nicely drawn.

I asked the seller what it meant and he told me feloose qabbil hiraat.I gasped and asked him if he knew what it meant. He did. I found this soooo interesting that even arabic was gangstered up.

Feloose Qabbil Hiraat means Money Before BitchesIts a line that Pac used and one that Biggy used also.

It basically is a call to put business before women.

It seems like a call that a lot of men use .Period.

Not much but interesting.

Snapshots(1)-I Survived. Yasmin didnt.

Feb 10th 2007

Lying in My bed cuddled up close to my baby…I woke up to feel someone standing over me. I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. I smelled alcohol in the air and I knew.“Where is he?” “Where do you have him hiding”I woke up confused yet aware. “No one’s here” I said with a panicked voice.”Its just me and the kids”Id been upset the night before. He was supposed to have come around but he didn’t so I texted him to let him know I was going to New Jersey in the morning and turned my phone off and went to sleep.I guess he didn’t like the fact that the phone was off.“I know why you go to Jerz.Its because you have a man there”“what”.He started to storm around the house. Throwing open closets and looking under my bed. It was surreal. He was drunk. Id never seen him drunk in my life. But I could feel the tension in the air. It was electric. I knew something bad was going to happen. I don’t really remember much of what he said but it was all along the lines of who was in my house hiding. As I got up to follow him…I saw he had a baseball bat in his hand. The last time I saw a man with a bat in his hand it was to beat a guy up who had been harassing me. This time I thought the bat was for me. As he paced around the apartment…he spied my laptop. That’s it. He screamed..Im going to make sure that you don’t speak to anyone again…so he raised the bat and swung it towards my laptop. I tried to save it but it didn’t happen. Three swings later…my screen was broken…the case was bent…I started crying…why are you doing this to me? I don’t deserve this..he looked at me with this look…and I knew…next thing I know I was on the floor and he was standing over me with his hands around my neck. I couldn’t breathe. I was scared. He was choking me with his full force. I tried to struggle but it wasn’t working so I just relaxed…pleading with my eyes. Before me he changed…his voice had this deep scary demonic sound to it. It sounded like pure evil and his face darkened. I mean he suddenly looked black as tar…and he is very white….I remember thinking about my boys…who was going to care for my boys if I wasn’t there. That’s all I kept thinking..my kids are going to wake up and find their mother dead on the floor.I don’t know why or how but suddenly he let go of me. I ran into the bedroom and cried. My neck was so sore but I was alive. Yes I lived. He cried. I cried. I showed him my phone..I hadn’t got his messages…..he said he got “hot” and when he got “hot” he couldn’t think.That was the first time I knew that it wasn’t going to work. I knew that I wanted him out of my life.

My Modum Operandis for 2008

So many times we talk about the men who don’t take care of their children. As a divorced woman it’s almost like there is no hope for us. We are at the bottom of the feeding chain. When a brother looks for a wife.Hes not looking for a mid 30’s woman with kids. He wants a nice young single woman .I can’t blame him. If I knew then what I knew now..Ida married a young single man too,At 19 I was married into polygyny and for the most part my biggest experiences are from that life. I wasn’t going to talk about my past too much because I know there are people who know me and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but the thing is this is MY life. MINE. The fact that you have been part of my life and experiences shouldn’t mean that I have to pretend that *that* part didn’t happen.It did so I apologize to those who may feel offended but as I said 2008 is all for Me. It’s about being truthful and honest and standing up for Justice…so this year I’m going to be writing a series that I call “snapshots”. They will be “snapshots” from my past. They may be from my marriages. They may be from my failures. They may not always be easy to read but they will always be honest.I have had an interesting life. I think it’s time to share it with you. So the next blog post will be a “Snapshot”.