Micheal

As soon as I knew Micheal Jackson had suffered a cardiac arrest…I knew he was gone. Only 20% of people that suffer out of hospital cardiac arrest survive and for those people swift defibrilation is the only way to save them.

Most people will panic. Micheal Jackson had a personal physician but he didnt have a defibrillator by all accounts. He wasnt breathing when they called 911 at 12.21 and he wasnt breathing when he arrived at the hospital at 1pm.

He was gone.

The doctors knew when they worked on him for an hour that he was gone. Look how long it took from his arrival to time that his death was called. Two hours. His brain was dead within 10 minutes.

Of course after my sons death…I know too much about arrythmias and sudden cardiac deaths. I knew that he was gone and honestly Im a lil hurt. Im kinda tired of sudden deaths I guess.

Every day I google news sudden death.  I know its macabre but I seem to have to do it. Today I didnt have to. There were 100’s of articles explaining what cardiac arrest is Many spelling out that cardiac deaths are not like heart attacks.

To have a cardiac arrest is the most serious problem that can happen to your heart.

Today many are mourning a man who lived to 50.

My son lived till he was 13.

My thoughts are with his mother. To have to bury a child isnt something a mother should have to do. But she will.

Whether you liked him or hated him..if you grew up in the 70’s and 80;s you grew up to the sounds of Billy Jean, PYT, Dirty Diana. You say in front of your TV screen when The world premiere of Thriller was unveiled. You memorized his words. As a new muslimah in the early 90s you may remember the story that was going around of the car crash victim in Saudi Arabia who was supposed to have been listening to Michael when he crashed.

We were told that the only thing he could say was words from the song he was listening to. It may have been an urban legend but it goes to show the way that he reached everyone.

Insha Allah he will have Jannah. He deserves it for the kind of life that he had to lead. Islam erases ALL sins and insha Allah I  hope when Micheal goes up wrapped up with the angels…I hope that My boy is one of the people that asks about people in this life.

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Lilahu Rajiun

This song is dedicated to my son Alhaarith

Graduation

Today my son would have graduated from the 8th grade.

My heart is still broken. I miss him.

On the outside I look ok but my inside is torn. People confuse me. They want you to feel better yet when you “look” ok they think its strange…so when people look at me and say you look so well though…I say..I look ok on the outside but my inside is a wreck.

And it is.

Nothing Gold Can Stay…

It was Haariths memorial yesterday at his school here in Queens. Ill post about it tomorrow. Insha Allah. Its been a rough few days..I havent been 100% well. But I wanted to share two things from it today in case tomorrow becomes the day after tomorrow.

The first is the son one of his friends sang accapella…It was so fitting and everyone dissolved into tears…She couldnt finish.

You can listen to this as its accapella also.

The Poem that they read for him was this one from The Outsiders. He loved this book as I did when I read it at the age of 13.

Nothing Gold Can Stay- Robert Frost

Nature’s first green is gold

Her hardest hue to hold

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

My son’s last name was At-Thahabi. It means The Golden (I need to  get the exact translation). And its true…Nothing Gold can stay.

Love you Haarith

Ummi XOXOX

My Lil Chocolate M&M (PArt 2) Thanks Hersheys USA!

Tomorrow is Al-Haariths memorial at his school. IM supposed to give a little speech. Not sure if I can do it but the kids in his class need to say goodbye to Haarith as they never had an opportunity to go to the janaza at the funeral home.

I forgot to mention that my sister did something really sweet. She wrote to Hersheys and told them about my son dying and the story that I used to tell my son why he was so dark. Also that he was my lil chocolate m& m.

Well Hersheys USA actually wrote me a really nice letter sending me their sympathies….and they gave me a bunch of coupons so I could buy more m&m’s. It was a small gesture but one that I really needed at that time and when I look at the letter I feel so sweet inside that someone acknowledged my loss and did something so sweet as send me candy!

So thanks Hershey USA!